I was writing.  Working on another sentence fragment in my long-labored attempt at a novel when I ran out.  I didn't know it, couldn't even conceive that it was the case, but I had just officially smoked my last fucking clove cigarette.  I ran out a week or two ago, and while doing some errands, stopped at a seven-eleven today to stock up on my favorite trope of the would-be writer.  Second only to my glass of scotch, cigarettes are must haves for the who's who of alternative fiction.

I tried a second seven eleven after the first turned up nothing. And the guy behind the counter told me about the ban.  

I raced home, completely pissed off, and went online to see what the hell was happening.  Turns out the shit-weasels in congress got pressured by the FDA into posting a ban on sweet or fruity flavored cigarettes, as they are a 'gateway cigarette', into smoking.  How sad is that?  

I never passed the gateway.  I abhor cigarette smell.  The only thing aside from my pipe and hookah that I prefer to puff on is bloody cloves.  They took it away, reasoning that sweet stuff is 'obviously' catered to children.

I am disgusted.  How can anyone at all justify that as a logical conclusion?

Are fruity alcoholic beverages marketed to kids?  Will they ever drop the daquiri, or the margarita?  All to prevent kids from doing what they legally can do when they are older?  Does this mean that to enjoy anything legally as an adult it must be bitter, unpleasant, foul, or gross in it's experience?  These dickheads are clearly trying to option us out of our varied freedoms to enjoy legal substances for personal use and pleasure.  

Beware, friend-consumer.  This reasoning has great potential for altering things we take for granted.  I mean, the logic is there already right.  Sit back and buckle up, fuckers, we now have precedence.  If we can reason that sweet cigarettes are marketed to kids, sweet alcohol of course must be, and brightly colored or flavored condoms.  Oh no!  What about colorful cars, and clothing?  Obviously designed to dig into the fragile pink juicy brains of the children to corrupt them into future awfulness.  And keep them from buying and getting into things that the surgeon general wouldn't RECOMMEND, and now has the power to remove.  So much for your CHOICE, suckers.  You watch; my precious shisha is next.

They say these things are gateways to future tobacco use.  As if when children become an adult it's somehow WRONG to use tobacco, as an a child IS an adult in the future, and said use is of course not okay.  The language is remarkable.  They are turning cigarette smoking as a hobby/ experience into a fucking crime.  Here's the ridiculous part.  I hate cigarettes.. just plain camels, or marlboro's... they smell awful, and are pretty much absolute unpleasantness, save for when yer really lit at the pub.  I hate them, but I don't think we should be teaching kids that when they are adults they should still believe these things are wrong.  When they become adults they'll still do it if they want to, cept now they have shitty choices to pick from.  Sweet.

This is absolutely a form of programming, and that's insulting in it's own right.  But I don't really give a shit about the kids, as it were.  I have none, desire none, and hate yours.  

S'true!  

But that's not the point.  I'm a fucking adult.  Just shy of thirty now, and have enjoyed recreational tobacco use for a number of years.  I never touched anything that was 'bad' for me until i got into my twenties.  No alcohol, no cigarettes, no drugs of any kind.  I didn't need to have shit yanked off the shelves to make these decisions.  I was a smart kid.  Simple.  And if you aren't or weren't a smart kid, hopefully you are capable of learning from your mistakes.  If not, sweet Darwinism comes into play, and that's that.  Why fuck me over?

So here I am.  Never again able to attain something that I rather enjoyed on all too rare occasions.  All so YOUR fucking IDIOT ass kids won't be tempted.  All so YOU mother-fucking moronic 'parents' can have the rest of the world parent your kids, cuz your too busy doing pilates, and taking uppers, and e-shopping your vaginae ragged.  Thanks; you fucking breeders, and especially to you, you shit-stain, cock-sock, cheese-tit, fuck wits at the FDA.  

Your pussy ideals are really making this country great!  I can't bloody wait for the cursing police, they spicy food moderators, and naughty thought monitors...  

mmmmmn.  Land of liberty, of thee I mock.

As soon as I can fully build up a freelance repertoire, I'm out of this sinking cockhole.  So save yer, 'if you hate it, leave' dog shit, ya rotting-afraid of your own shadow-fuck.

Eat me America.  I'm taking up smoking now, JUST to piss you off and blow smoke in your baby's faces so they get addicted early.